bereavement · Childbirth · childloss · grief · infantloss · Labour · miscarriage · pregnancy · stillbirth · Uncategorized

The Unwritten

16 months ago now (wow, how time has flown) my little boy was stillborn at 35 weeks gestation. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on him, despite the absence of the beat in his heart, how thankful I was to have had him for that time, and I will always remain thankful for… Continue reading The Unwritten

bereavement · Childbirth · childloss · grief · infantloss · Labour · miscarriage · pregnancy · stillbirth · Uncategorized

I found the words you sent to me.

When my little boy was stillborn 15 months ago, I had no idea how I would go on to 'mother' him. I was terrified that the outside world wouldn't perceive me to be a mother to him, because I couldn't do all those things that 'mums do' ... I cannot bathe him, hold him, kiss… Continue reading I found the words you sent to me.

bereavement · Childbirth · childloss · grief · infantloss · Labour · miscarriage · pregnancy · stillbirth · Uncategorized

Wind, rain, storm, or shine.

I'm writing this sat in my car at the entrance of the baby garden in my local cemetery. I would be sat inside the bushed walls of the garden, was it not for the typical English weather. Most people I have spoken to about cemeteries - this may seem like an odd conversation topic, but they become… Continue reading Wind, rain, storm, or shine.

bereavement · Childbirth · childloss · grief · infantloss · Labour · miscarriage · pregnancy · stillbirth · Uncategorized

The post-play blues.

There comes a moment when you suddenly realise that this is it. This is it. This is my life. It will be my life, for the rest of my life. It's been a year and it hasn't done that 'thing' that people promised me it would do - it hasn't got better; it hasn't become easier. The… Continue reading The post-play blues.