Dear Otis …

Dear Otis, 10 months down the line and I find myself actively trying to change the course and the nature of my grieving for you. It’s an experience I can only describe as being bittersweet – heart breaking and healing in equal measure. That constant paradox that is grieving. I try to see beauty where I could […]

What Makes a Mother?

I was blessed yesterday with the best gifts for Mother’s Day that I could possibly wish for. I woke up to homemade cards that Cora and Maisie had ever so lovingly created with the help of their teachers at school and their daddy; I was treated to cake and cuddles in bed with my little loves, and I […]

Hold on, stay with me.

What should have been my first Mother’s Day with you here, is instead going to be my first without you … and we’re almost there. I wish I could put in to words what’s running through my mind in the lead up to Sunday but I just can’t. How is that possible? How can I […]

Because you are my son.

In one week you will have been ‘gone’ for 9 months. 9 months. Where is the time going? … Returning home from the hospital after our appointment, 34 weeks pregnant, exhausted and numb … I remember walking in to the living room to your grandad, grandma and Aunty Zoe, to hand them a sheet of paper […]

In the midst of 400 people.

Understanding Baby Loss and Bereavement Support Conference 4th February 2017 His heart beating for only 35 weeks and 1 day meant that the 4th of February 2017 was one of the days I had come to dread – a trigger day. The 4th of February 2017 was the day on which my little boy had been ‘gone’ longer […]

The day my life stood still.

One of the hardest emotional battles I’ve had since Otis died is the wondering how the world around me hasn’t stopped. Everyone (and everything) just carries on as normal … Plants continue to grow, food continues to be made, the milkman continues his rounds, the postman continues posting, people laugh, people live their life as […]

Making Memories

I’ve noticed over the last few months that most, if not all, bereaved parents have at least one regret regarding the time they spent with their baby/child. Most of the families who I have been in contact with have been stillbirth parents – some contacting before their baby is delivered, asking what they’re allowed to […]